Long Distance Caregiving: Does Your Parent Need Help?

Many children leave home, go to college and/or careers that take them far away, and then find they have a long distance relationship with family and friends. Whether long distance is an hour away or an airplane flight away, managing care for a loved one can be a challenge. The CareLinx Team works with many families who find they must manage caregiving from a distance, so we particularly appreciate Connie Chow's article on long distance caregiving.What is long distance caregiving? Living an hour or more away from someone you care for makes you a long distance caregiver. Since you can’t be there in person, your caregiving tasks might include: • Helping Mom manage Dad’s health insurance policy, claims, and payments. • Keeping important legal documents like Power of Attorney, living will, and wills up to date. • Researching home care options and checking references so Dad has reliable in-home care. • Making sure Mom has regular companionship and cooking, gardening, or home maintenance help. • Working with a local geriatric care manager to make sure your parents stay healthy and safe. How do I know if help is needed? A top question from long distance caregivers is how they’ll know when or if their older adult needs help. We hear things like “Mom sounds fine on the phone and insists she’s doing well. How do I know if she’s telling the truth?” Some seniors ask for help when they need it and will be truthful about their situation - “Cooking is getting harder because of my arthritis.” Others don’t want to be a burden and try to hide their needs as long as possible - “Everything’s fine! You worry too much.” Long distance care tip #1: Play detective in a subtle way If you can’t see your older adult in person very often, you might need to play detective to make sure they’re actually doing well and not just telling you what you want to hear. Here are some tips: • Call or video chat at strategic times - before meals, after they usually get up and get ready for the day, or after medication should be taken. • Ask casually about the meal they’re preparing “What have you got cooking for dinner tonight?” • Talk about your own plans for the day and ask about theirs. This lets you know what they’re up to, but doesn’t make it sound like you’re prying. • Say that you’re looking for tips on how to remember to take your vitamins. Ask how they stick to their medication schedule. Long distance care tip #2: Recruit local eyes and ears You might also want to develop relationships with your senior’s neighbors, friends, doctors, and local relatives. Ask if they’ve been worried or if they’ve noticed any recent changes in habits or behavior. Ask them to call you if they see anything strange or if it’s ok for you to call once a month to check in. Long distance care tip #3: Learn as much as you can during visits Get the most out of each visit by using this checklist to assess the situation and look for signs of trouble. It’s easier to spot problems when you’re there and it’s harder for your older adult to hide what’s really going on. This last tip is extremely important, especially if you live far away. Elders that develop memory issues can easily forget to take their medication, miss medical appointments, and not eat properly or drink enough water. This can be frightening and unsafe for the senior and the family. By Connie Chow, Contributing Writer and Founder of DailyCaring Image: Well Heeled Blog